Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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