the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
