so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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