I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
