She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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