i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
