I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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