Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Houston, we have a blender
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
