i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
