watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
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Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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