It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
