I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
