I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
