She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
