i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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