Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
