Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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