My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He did a backflip because drugs
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