she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
