Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
