Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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