I don't have enough holes for all these australians
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i think my cat just said my name.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
