even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
