can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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