So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
