try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You can't special order awesome
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
