a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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