No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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