he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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