just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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