In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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