my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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