i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
