I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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