just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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