I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I lost the right to judge tonight
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
