When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
