oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
