I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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