Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
