His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
