How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
