I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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