come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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