If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
