loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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