Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
