curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
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I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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