i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
