So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
