When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
