you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
