I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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