Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
