im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
