I puked a lego.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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