8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
