I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
