ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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