bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
