you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she told me i tasted like america
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
