y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
