he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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