i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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