I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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