we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
